Liz Jones on This Morning - Sperm Stealing

Why Liz Jones knows all about revenge

LIZ JONES: I know all about revenge...I stalked my husband's mistress

Vicky Pryce was, of course, stupid to take points, coerced or not, on her licence for her husband, but a jail term seems excessive, given the leniency with which we treat people who commit actual violence, or steal, or abuse animals, or become bankers.

I currently have nine points on my licence and know how devastating it would be to face a driving ban. I’ve changed my mind now, of course.

Wait a minute, I’m confused. What have you changed your mind about? 

It becomes slightly clearer in the next paragraph:

But before this case, it occurred to me that – if I were ever sent another speeding fine (accompanied by a blurry photo of my face, rigid at the wheel) – I might let my assistant take the rap, wearing a long black wig. 

How are we supposed to know what you’ve changed your mind about (of course) in the first place, let alone when you don’t tell us what it even is till the next paragraph!

Perhaps it was deliberate to distract readers from your boast that you would let your assistant take the rap for your speeding fine.

I would have been speeding, you see, because I am special and important, and need to hurry everywhere. 

I’m still confused. I don’t know whether this is supposed to be funny or not. I assume it is, but I don’t get it. 

Pryce is not the biggest villain of the piece, because there by the grace of God go I, and many of us. Couldn’t she be sentenced to pick up litter instead of being confined, or be an unpaid lollipop lady?

That doesn’t even make sense! It’s There but for the grace of God go I Sort your idioms out Liz!

I wish you'd stop claiming that the things you do are done by everyone else. It doesn't justify it and it isn't true.

Huhne is to blame, almost entirely. I bet he’s the sort of man who beeps when stuck behind a woman who fails to zoom away from traffic lights the nanosecond they go green.

And I bet he flashes women in the fast lane when they won’t get out of his super-busy way. 

Wait a minute – Huhne is almost entirely to blame. I'm not really interested either way but I'd like to know what you're basing that fact upon. 

Oh. Because you bet you know what he’s like behind the wheel... 

I’m sure I read something recently about someone else who was so special and important that she had to hurry everywhere too. Was that the joke then? I’m not sure.

The toxicity of their marriage is familiar to me, too, as I’m sure it is to many.

They're not even married. They divorced 2 years ago. Have you researched for this article at all Liz?

 When a woman learns that her husband has cheated, revenge is not only tempting, it seems the only course open to us. 
Perhaps his wife’s actions in exposing the lie will make men think twice about how they break the news that they are having an affair.

 Huhne apparently broke the news of his infidelity to the mother of his three children during half-time of a World Cup football match, and then went off to the gym. 

Shocking enough, but you didn't mention this fact in the article Liz. 

Even if you had, it's a bit of a stretch to suggest that other men will now admit their affairs by candlelight (perhaps hire a Mariachi band?) to avoid making the cheated spouse angry enough to turn police informant. In any case I'm fairly sure it wasn't just the way she was told that made her angry.

I certainly wreaked mine: I emailed my husband’s mistress, telling her she was only number five in a series of similar conquests. I even went to New York, found out where she worked and waited in reception at her office for her to turn up; I hadn’t thought through what I would do when she did, but luckily never got the chance to slap her as she was away on holiday.

I continued to stalk her on Facebook for years after, though, only ceasing when I saw she had given birth to a baby who, thankfully, looked nothing like my ex-husband. 

I am ashamed of becoming a cliche of a woman scorned. But really, having read the email exchanges between Vicky Pryce and a reporter on a rival Sunday newspaper, I’m more ashamed of being a journalist.

So it was a journalist from a rival newspaper that made Liz ashamed to be a journalist. Nothing that Liz did. That's a relief then.

Pryce had wanted to get revenge on her ex-husband by selling her story, either as a book or as a spread in a newspaper, and was emailing a writer on a broadsheet about the whole licence rap thing. The journalist was using her powers of persuasion to get the story for herself.

Pryce could ‘draw a line’ under the whole affair. She would be taken away for a few days on a mini-break (‘You look like you need it’) to somewhere that could be fancy, where they could conduct the interview in peace. It could be ‘fun’.

In a few days, it would all be ‘done and dusted’. The journalist talked about the pair having ‘a relationship of trust’, and signed off with a ‘love’. 

Wow, she was good. But we have all done this, haven’t we, those of us who toil away in Fleet Street? Persuaded someone to do something to further our own career? 

Maybe everyone who ‘toils away on Fleet Street’ actually DO lie and exploit people for stories. But if they’re getting paid over £250,000 a year then I’d expect them to toil a little harder and to learn the difference between ‘There by the grace of God’ and ‘There but for the Grace of God’.

I’ve pretended to be someone’s friend to get a story, many, many times. 

Ooh, let’s talk about my plans for adoption, to get you to open up about your IVF and your own plans to adopt, as I did with someone who was then an MP.

When the writer Alexandra Tolstoy was poised to run off with a penniless Cossack, I got the story for my daily paper by promising her a weekly column, which of course never materialised.

 

You might try sounding a little less pleased with yourself Liz. Not least because you are exploiting them a second time by selling another article on the back of what you did to them the first time. Which I note you don't apologise for or justify.

 And I didn’t just do this to public figures. A young woman who had been evicted from Celebrity Big Brother did a story with me that, thanks to the heading which blamed Channel 4 for ruining her life, lost her a budding career in TV. 

It’s the little people we tread on that haunt me. The small misdemeanours that don’t land us in jail, but probably should.

I would love for Liz Jones to sit down and read one of her own articles back and try to see it from the perspective of those she writes about. Just to see if it would flick a switch in her brain and she would see how her actions and words affected others. 

As someone who considers herself the perpetually wronged victim of others cold and unfair treatment how would she feel if others had treated HER like this?

PS My friend Dawn’s beloved black cat Coco was put to sleep on Thursday, having eaten the leaves of a lily. My friend had no idea they were toxic. She sent an email telling all her friends of the loss, accompanied by a photo. 
She received the following from one woman: ‘Don’t know what I’m going to  say to the kids [who adored the cat]. 
Can I not say anything please? Means they will ask you about her every time they see you, though.’ Um, hello? It might be Mother’s Day, but the myopic selfishness behind this missive beggars belief...

I’m confused yet again. Who starts a paragraph with P.S?  Or did she mean to write RS? Did she get confused and start writing him an email?

Assuming she meant to finish the article with this paragraph - I know the story that a cat was poisoned by water lily leaves is sad and should be told to warn other cat owners – but it didn’t seem to belong right there at that particular point in the article. It looked more like the start of a whole other article.

So leaving that aside for a moment - some woman didn’t want to tell her children about the cat’s death. But then that would make them ask where the cat was when they saw the cat’s owner. And even though it’s Mother’s Day the woman (mother) is selfish and short sighted to the point that it beggars belief?

 Nope. Read it three times now and still don’t understand it.

Surprised by Liz Jones managing to slip in an attack on selfish mothers on mother’s day while telling a sad story about an animal in an article that had absolutely nothing to do with cats up until that point though.

So much so in fact that I almost didn’t notice that she neglected to give closure to the main body of the article.

Liz Jones: The highest paid female journalist in the UK.

Clearly toiling away in Fleet Street is far more lucrative than blogging in a burka.

I’m starting to think she’s doing this on purpose and laughing at us.

All the way to the bank.

Welcome to my world

Bollywood Hollywood Lookalikes

 The correct term for 'Bollywood' is 'Hindi Cinema'. It is popularly referred to as 'Bollywood' as a portmanteau of Bombay Hollywood. Bollywood is a multi million dollar industry with some of the more expensive films costing an average of 20 million dollars to produce. Like Hollywood there is no shortage of very famous and very beautiful people who sometimes seem to have quite a lot in common with their Western counterparts. For example...

Aishwarya Rai Bachan & Angelina Jolie

These two beauties are both A-listers. Aishwarya Rai is probably the most famous Indian actress of her generation and both Aishwarya and Angelina have been voted the 'Most Beautiful Woman in the World' on various internet polls and publications around the world. Both women have completed just over 40 films each. The actresses are around the same age (just 19 months between them) both have been UN Goodwill Ambassadors and both are known for their humanitarian work but can you see any other similarities? From the luscious full lips, creamy, flawless skin and large dewy eyes these two women might originate from different continents but side by side they could be sisters.

 Kareena Kapoor & Paris Hilton

One is a high maintenance young woman with a famous father. The other... is also a high maintenance young woman with a famous father. In her movie 'Heroine' Kareena Kapoor wore over 130 designer dresses from all over the world. It was said to be the most expensive wardrobe for a female star in any Bollywood movie ever. Looking at the two of them side by side, Kareena Kapoor and Paris Hilton could have been separated at birth. There are only 5 months between them in age.

From the shape of the jawline, to those cheekbones, brow and heart shaped lips these two diva's have eerily similar bone structure and facial proportions.

 

Akshay Kumar & David Schwimmer

Akshay Kumar (born Rajiv Hari Om Bhatiais) is Bollywood royalty.  Born in 1967, Akshay is a martial arts expert, a producer and a director as well as an actor. He has appeared in over 125 films. 

David Schwimmer is probably best known for his role as Ross in Friends, one of the most successful sitcoms of all time. Only 10 months older than Akshay, the 46 year old is one of Hollywood's most in demand actors.

 But in addition to their success, they share strikingly similar facial features. Eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth, jawline - even teeth! I'd love to see the movie where Akshay plays a character who discovers he has a long lost half brother from America - he could even be a Paleontologist! I would pay good money to see that movie!

Kunal Khemu & Heath Ledger

This is the comparison that I find the most striking of all. The late Heath Ledger unfortunately passed away at the young age of 28. Australian by birth he had a successful Hollywood film career and bore a striking resemblance to the Bollywood actor Kunal Khemu, born in 1983. What I find interesting about these 2 young men is that even when they change their hairstyle or appearence - they still seem to look alike. Take for example a picture of Kunal and Heath when they both had long hair:

  Sure we could say it's just the hair and that they wouldn't look alike otherwise - or would they? Turns out they would. Mouth, eyebrows, nose and jawline. This is the lookalike couple that I find most remarkable of all. See below the picture of them with short hair and a little stubble. Still strikingly similar.

Shahid Kapoor & Zach Braff

These 2 lookalikes are probably widely known - it's hard not to notice how much they look alike. They have the same chubby cheeks, wide eyes and full lips they have cute, boyish good looks in common despite the fact that Zach Braff is about 6 years older than Shahid Kapoor. As we know Zach Braff is probably best known for his role as J.D in Scrubs and Shahid Kapoor is a reasonably well known Bollywood actor with at least 25 films to his credit.

Sonali Kulkarni & Jessica Alba

I think these two look more alike than any other non-related people I have ever seen. Their features are almost identical. With the same hair style I doubt that it would be easy to tell them apart at first glance. Sonali has appeared in over 40 films and although 8 years older than Jessica Alba, having been born in 1973, she looks easily a decade younger than her age. Jessica Alba has only appeared in about half as many films but is a huge Hollywood star with a net worth of about $40 million.

It would be an absolute sin to write any kind of article or blog post on Bollywood which doesn't mention Amitabh Bachchan. For Westerners who might not have been exposed to Bollywood movies much, Amitabh Bachchan is known as 'the Big B'. Like Roy Orbison being known as 'the Big O'. or Elvis Presley being known as 'the King'.

Think James Dean if he had lived to grow older. Amitabh Bachchan was the original angry young man of Indian cinema. He has matured to play older roles and has been consistently successful for over 4 decades. He is also the father-in-law to Aishwarya Rai as she is married to his son Abhishek Bachchan. I had wanted to find a Hollywood lookalike for Amitabh but to no avail. I was researching pictures of Richard Gere but didn't find any that seemed to match. Nonetheless it would be wrong to write anything about Bollywood without referencing the Big B. Amitabh Bachchan:. After all, he is a living legend!
 

Amitabh Bachchan - The Big B

A young Amitabh Bachchan

A Young Richard Gere