On
Feminists:
"I am now
going to write something that will enrage feminists the world over,
and provoke an outraged backlash in the columns of online
feminist website Jezebel (which already has an entire section that
monitors me, entitled Keeping Up With Jones)."
You
are going to write something that will enrage feminists the world
over? What, deliberately? Hold it right there Liz - I'll get the
popcorn.
On
Mothers who Blog:
Free? You blogging
mums may as well wear burkas! I had no idea blogging could be so
lucrative. I wonder, too, what their husbands think of them and their
rantings.
Here
is what I don't understand. Liz Jones herself gets paid vast amounts
of money to write about her life. Surely they are doing the exact same thing and it is far more lucrative for Ms Jones.
I have queasy
feelings in my empty womb about all this. The most revolutionary tool
we have – namely, free speech on the internet – has been turned
into a giant WI meeting, with women being PAID to sit at home, ignore
the child about to toddle into the glass wall that makes kitchen and
garden seamlessly as one, and to write about being mothers.
Failing
to remember that perhaps, that Liz herself writes about face lifts, Brazilian
waxes, hair colouring, airbrush tans, pedicures and manicures and
sexual fantasies about Gordon Ramsey. How is that in any way superior
to some random mother writing a blog about her children, family and
household?
The
only difference between what they do and what she does is that she
gets paid over £250,000 a year for writing about her life. Much of
what Liz Jones writes seems to be about her expensive and high
maintenance beauty regime. I'm struggling to see how this does
justice to the 'revolutionary tool' she speaks of:
In London, I pay £75
for an everlasting gel pedicure, £70 for a root tint and £125 for
various waxes.
As someone who has
probably had every inch of her body exfoliated, pummelled, plucked,
dyed, snipped, hoisted and lasered...
I had a Brazilian
wax, hair tint, pedicure, facial, eyelash extensions and an airbrush
tan so deep I now look as if I have been on holiday for two weeks.
I love Nigel
Slater’s herb garden, and wish I were married to Jamie Oliver. Oh,
and I’d adore animalistic sex with Gordon Ramsay, too.
Liz Jones: Using the revolutionary tool of free speech.
To
be fair, Liz Jones also visited Somalia and wrote about the famine
and poverty there – but even then she went on to boast about buying
a dress for herself for £1850 just 17 months later. While it is
nobody else's business what Liz spends her money on, and if it wasn't
for the fact that she consistently pleads poverty it would be easy to
assume that £1850 is just a drop in the Ocean to her and that she
probably donates money to these charities all the time. But she
claims to be poor! And so when she finds herself with a spare £1850
knocking around she decides to spend it on a designer dress for
herself. 17 months later. If she'd met them on holiday they would
probably still be on the Christmas card list.
Liz Jones in Somalia.
And
let's not forget that Liz Jones donated her fee for the Somalia article
to Children In Need. So she CAN be unselfish and give a gift for other
reasons than to write about how ungrateful her
relative/friend/aquaintence was to not appreciate her generosity.
Liz Jones - she's an enigma, wrapped in Prada, Shod in Louboutin. Probably.
On Internet Abuse:
Here, Liz claims that:
I turned down two offers to be on ITV last
week, at £1,000 for each five-minute appearance, as I didn’t want to cower
later that night avoiding pot shots behind a metaphorical locked loo door.
For once, Liz has really shocked me here.
In the immediate aftermath of the tragic death of the 29 year old South African
model Reeva Steenkamp, it seems incredibly insensitive to say the least. Oscar
Pistorius claims he shot his girlfriend dead by firing 4 bullets through the bathroom
door when he mistook her for an intruder.
And Liz Jones is comparing online
name-calling with cowering in a bathroom whilst being shot through the bathroom
door. Stay classy Liz.
